At the end of 2015, I told myself that if 2016 was a replay of 2015 I wouldnt know what I would do. I thought 2015 was bad… aparently I didnt live through 2016.
I cant seem to shake this sad feeling. I’m hanging by a string. A really thin string.
I’ve accomplised a lot this year:
- Paying off my ticket and getting my drivers license back.
- Moving to another branch.
- Going on a final written warning and can lose my job at any day.
- Taking a month and a half off of work to regroup, only to come back worse off than I am.
- Started taking bipolar meds.
- My car gave me so many issues. A brand new car. A lemon. I dont know where to start…
- I managed to owe everyone and their mother money.
- I am in severe debt.
- I’ve had ups and downs.
- I’m on a down right now.
- I got HPV.
- I think I have Chlamydia.
- I do not have the time or the money to get therapy.
- I do not have the time or the money to go to my OB.
- I owe several doctors money.
- Ive ruined my credit.
- EVERBODY thinks Im crazy.
- I am afraid to raise my daughter.
- Nobody seems to respect me.
- I am renting and cannot afford to leave my current situation or buy a home.
- My guy situation is non existent and I cant seem to hold a proper relationship.
- I have no friends.
- I struggle with making some….
I dont know how to make things better.
- I am afraid for my future.
- I dont know how to pick up the peices.
- I feel alone.
- I have contemplated doing away with life..
But I dont want to leave my daughter. I want to be strong for her. I really and truly, deep in my soul, think things will get better but I dont know when or how.
Im sad. I didnt sign up for this. and I single-handedly dont do anything to better my situation. I usually only make things worse.
- I dont have money for gifts.
- I want to get better.
- I havent been to church.
- I dont pray.
- I’d rather be on my phone instead.
- Im out of PTO.
- I cant call in to work, ever.
- I cannot be late.
- I am a mess.
- I havent had my nails, my waxing, a massage, a facial done in I dont know how long…
I had the hardest day at work today. I put my daughter to bed and literally forced myself not to cry.
- I feel like I do so much and nobody seems to notice or care.
- I feel over worked and under appreciated.
- I feel guilty, on my days off, to not want to do anything.
- I feel like if I dont keep my house clean I lose everything.
I got high and went into work during my break. I was so miserable that I thought it might help. My colleagues thought it was weird that I came back into work with a huge smile on my face.
- I have a pile of work on my desk I havent got to because I feel like Im being pulled in so many different directions.
- I need another job but cannot seem to find the time for one.
- Uber seems to feel like a waste of time..
- Especially if I dont have gas to drive.
- My bank accounts are negative.
- All. Of. Them.
My lease on my car is due in April and I dont have the money or credit to get into another car.
I dont want to let anyone down by giving up. I dont want to continue like this though.
I feel stuck.
Im trying my best to think positive.
The year isnt fully over yet… but when will the down bouce up?
***Misery Does NOT Love Company – I wouldnt wish this feeling on ANYONE. When will it end? Please say a little prayer for me… whoever reading this. I could sure use all I can get.***